The Wait..

I am waiting for the moment, when miles will disappear.

And once again life will come alive.

Whatever i am doing can wait.

Away from you my heart knows nothing.

And everything I do becomes endless.

Today It snowed, winters in full bloom is here.

And I wait for the moment where you and me,

Will be face to face, and that smile flows across.

It's time for me to return- To my nest.

 

Love ....On Trial

Recently Maharastra goverment gave green signal to the proposal on legalizing Live-in relationship, which indeed is a bold step for a conservative country like India. According to the proposal, If a womam lives with a man for a "decent period" of time she will be treated as "WIFE" therefore she will be granted all the rights such alimony, child support etc. But before this proposal becomes law, it needs to get an approval from the centre and on this issue the centre has carefully decided to remain silent.

Personally, I have nothing against Live-in relationships ( Before you jump to any conclusions let me tell you, I believe in 'marriage' and have married my husband according to hindu rites), If man or a woman  wishes to enter in a live-in relationship, I don't see any problem as long  as they understands what they are doing? and can handle the implications  of the situation. "Co-habitating" is a matter of personal choice and should remain so, nobody has a right to intefere in the decision of the two consenting parteners  not the family or even the  society. Though the question still remains why are more and more young people choosing to live-in rather then getting "married".

Couples Say:-

Until a few years ago the boy and the girl would only meet after getting engaged and in some cases only after getting married and then the period of getting to know each other would start and things follow.  But now the couples want to know what is  to be with the person whom they "Love" 24x7 ? How compatible they are? How comfortable they are  with each others lifestlye? and much more.  Some cases are of the couple who have been divorced once and dont want to go through the pains once again as  getting  a divorce is not easy much because of the social stigma attached to it and all the legal procedures involved . This all can be avoided just by not getting married but being husband and wife though not legally.

Family and Society say:-

Most of time the  relationship is kept a secret from the family for fear of being criticized. In many cases the couples are even disowned by their families. In a country like India where love marriages are still not acceptable, Live in realtionships are morally incorrect. The generation of today wants everything according to their own choice and will not compromise. If  not of their choice they are willing to accept it rather then regret it later. This independency of thougts is brought about by the finacial independence at a very young age. Atimes being a part of such relationship is  also a way to show rebellion against the family and society. Which i feel is not correct , a relation based on such grounds will not last. The elderly feel that such relationship are not strong enough and this kind of "Trial Marriages" will only degrade the social moral values.

Legal Experts say:-

Though the proposed law grants a women cohabitating with a man for a "decent period" the woman in question the rights of a wife. However the lawyers feel with the increase in financial independence of the women the toleration power has gone down(Knock - Knock are the lawyers  saying women should always  compromise?- If womens can go out and work, why men cannot compromise to workout a home?). Also under the increased infuence of cinema, everyone is in search of a perfect partener. And what if the person they fell in love and get married doesnot turn out to be the PERFECT one, So why take a chance and do a "Trial marriage" to avoid making a mistake. This is like taking a safe root. The youths of today want to play safe.They don't want to waste thier time in putting the "required effort" to nurture a relationship. But in a Live in relationship, if the partener doesnot turn out to be the "Perfect one" they can always part ways and move on( Is it that easy to move on and ...How many times will you?). Is there anything such as perfect and does it really exist as it is rightly said..

"Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person"

Live in relationship make sense to the youths of today and works well with their casual and westernised ways of life. But still there are issues remain unresolved for instace Whatis the "decent period"? What is the future of the childrens concieved out of such relationships? the father can provide the  support but what if mother is not willing to keep the child? And what will be the social status of a child whose parents were never married? What if the couple seperate just before the "decent period" or what if the woman deserts the man(Do we have any such laws for men?). 

I don't know when or whether will the society  accept such relationships or not but one must not forget that the most important thing for a relationship to work is committment and complete dedication, and if you are not willing to give this, no relationship will ever work  not even the "trial marriage" and if you are willing to commit and dedicate your self to the person you fell in love  with then why not MARRY? (Easy Isn't?..........)

Bleeding Mumbai..........

26Nov2008, was just another day in the lives of mumbaikars that was coming to an end, people were enjoying meals at the famous Leopold cafe, when youngmens in their early 20s dressed in versace and spoke fluent english entered the cafe and with them terror walked into the lives of mumbaikars on the quite evening. What followed the next 3days was not less then a nightmare not only in the lives of those living in mumbai but for those visiting mumbai. The youths looked like any other college going student carrying bagpacks, only the books were replaced by AK -47, hand grenades and bullets. It is a day which will remain in our hearts forever.

I am sitting miles away from my country. I don't have a television or a newspaper subscription at my house. I barely get time to sit on the internet. I am busy with my daily household chores. The phone rings, my husband informs me about the attack on mumbai. I immediately call my brother in mumbai and relieved to know that he is safe.

I live in Japan. Japan is one of the safest country in the world(not by statstic, but by my own experience). Today sitting here, I recall my first encounter with fear. Back home in Delhi, India- Yes, India is my country. It was 11July2006,6p.m, I was coming back from work when i recieved a call from a friend that there were a series of blast in mumbai. Recently my parents had gone to visit my brother in mumbai- my mind went blank and i could not think for a few seconds. My brother works at Nariman Point and takes the same route to travel back home everyday. The moment i got back to my senses, I tried calling him and but the phone would not connect. I tried and tried and re-tried but the efforts were not answered. I tried calling my parents but the phone line was constantly busy. And inside my heart the feeling was much much worse then fear. I could not concentrate, All through this I was constantly praying and calling my friends and asking them to try calling my brother and give me the news which i wanted to desperately hear "He is safe".

I switched on the T.V for the updates, I was hoping that my brother would have missed the train or was still at work. Around 10p.m, I finally was able to get in touch with a friend in Pune who later informed my brother had safely reached home and was with my parents.

Referred as "Mahanagri", Mumbai- the financial capital of India and also the biggest city of India. Having spent few years in mumbai, I can say mumbai is all about money. From panwalas to top notch executives here everyone is busy making money. In bollywood flicks you would have often seen the hero going to mumbai in search of a fortune and making it big. Loads of money, rich and expensive lifestyle is a major attraction. Since entertainment media has a vast coverage thus making mumbai an easy target.

I realize the pains of all those whose loved ones were trapped inside the hotels and they could do nothing but to hope against hopes and pray for their safe return. I never knew those who died. I don't know those who are left behind and they don't know me but i am with them in their grief .I'm praying for them to give them the strenghth to face what was thrown at them just like that on an ordinary day. Yes, it was Wednesday, 26Nov2008 just an ordinary day- people were returning to their homes or were already at their homes. Some were relaxing, attending parties or marriages, some were having dinner with their families at the expensive hotels(The Taj and The Oberois) in mumbai. Some of the guest at the hotel were visiting and some were here on work from various parts of the world.

In Mumbai, known for its volume of foreign tourists, at Leopold cafe - 9:15p.m people were having dinner when few stylish young men entered the cafe and opened gunfire killing many innocent people and leaving many injured. The floor was covered with blood, shoes and belongings of those who lay lifeless or ran inorder to save themselves. The window panes were broken and the glass pieces mixed in blood were scattered on the floor .

Leopold cafe was the first target of the Islamic attacks. Next in line were the two economic landmark Hotels- The Taj and The Oberois. "The Taj", being worst hit was the hub of the terrorist attack. Pronounced as the worst attacks in the history of India, soon the news of the attack spread like fire and all channels were covering this one BIG news. People from all over the world flocked together to pray for those they knew and those whom they will never know. The attack lasted 60 hours with a loss of 200 lives and leaving 327 injured. Amidst all this we lost many of our brave and dedicated soldiers. To name a few were ATC chief Hemant Karkare, DIG Ashok Kamte, Inspector Vijal Salaskar. Also those who perished in the attacks were journalist Sabina Sehgal Saikia, (American) Rabbi and his wife and many more. Kudos to our commondos who saved many lives putting at stake their own life, In doing so one of the brave commondo who lost his life was 31year old Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan. These were our heroes, but as i know mumbaikars whenever a tragedy has struck they have ran in full speed - to help.

On 30November, Leoplold Cafe re-opened. The Taj, The Oberois and Nariman House are still recupturating from the attacks. Though Mumbai will always bear the scar, but the spirit with which Mumbai has faced the attacks is remarkable. After few hours of the attack life in Mumbai returned to normalcy and soon will catch up pace. The message is loud and clear, for few hours the momentum of life can be brought to halt but it cannot be stopped.

Many of my japanese friends have expressed their desire to visit India. I wish to invite them but how can I ? And what should I say? I don't have the answer. I wish for a country that is terror free, where people can walk freely. While I conclude this article , I remember few lines from what Rabindranath Tagore said:

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high; Where knowledge is free; Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls; Where words come out from the depth of truth; Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action,Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake".

This article is dedicated to the memory of our brave soldiers who lost their lives in Mumbai Attacks.

Quantum of Solace.....?????

The sea is still and deep, Things within its bosom sleep!

One step... and its over, A plunge, a bubble.....forever thee sleep!!

I live in one of the Asia's most developed country- Japan. It is a country that not only excels technically but the attention they pay to the smallest of details is remarkable. The people here are hardworking, ambitious and ready to face the challenge. Japan has always made news for its technical excellence but for the past few years Japan has been in news for the ever increasing number of suicides. When for the first time I read in the newspaper, I was shocked - an economically stable country, the laws are citizen oriented and such that a foriegner like me also feels safe. Then what is it that makes the people of this country to take such extreme step.

According to a report released by National Police Agency(NPA), In 2007, 33,000(approx.) people committed suicide.From teenagers to those above 60s everyone are ending their lives. From middle aged working class to womens, people of japan are choosing suicide as one of the solace from their everyday struggle. But what is it that makes them to kill themself?.

Farm Minister Toshikatsu Matsuoka, who was under the shadow over a political donations scandal, hanged himself in May this year at his residence, hours before he was to be grilled over a bribery probe. But what was shocking was eulogy from the Governor of Tokyo , calling the dead minister a real samurai. Japan is the only country in the world where Suicide is glorified and is not illegal. But if the suicide is in the family, they try to hide it. A day later, another official linked to the scandal, jumped to his death.

Japan's ancient Samurai culture and major religions Shintoism and Buddhism makes suicide acceptable (To be precise Budhism and Shintoism remain neutral on this subject). People from many parts of the world may find it difficult to digest that suicide as an act of honor. In medieval period, the samurai knights often took their lives through hara-kiri (which literally means stomach cutting), cutting open their stomachs to alleviate shame after being captured or loosing the battle. Japan's suicidal mindset came to attention during the World War II, when young mens(pilots) called kamikaze - deliberately flew bomb-laden planes into Allied ships to save their country from defeat.

The reason for committing suicide varies from person to person. Health problems was the most common presumed reason behind suicides, taking up nearly half or 15,400 deaths, followed by economic difficulties. Problem in the family 2,960 and work related accounted for 1,900 deaths.

The irony of the situation is that even teenagers are taking up to committing suicides. How can they? they have not even started with their struggle of life. What could possibly be the reason? - Bullying at school (cited as one of the major reasons ), Not being able to concentrate on studies, problems at home or sometimes failed love affair (Are these reason enough to end life?). From the year 1999- 2000, 41 cases of suicide among school students were reported, out of which 14 students were being bullied in school.
A recent incident came to light when a 14-year old girl committed suicide for unknown reasons. Another incident included three mens in their late teens, committed suicide in a car, the windows were sealed by black tape. The car was found on a deserted road. The way of committing suicide in both the cases was same, inhaling Hydrogen sulphide(H2S). It is said to be the easiest way because all the ingredients can be found easily in a local drug store. And the method for its preparation is available on many internet sites. Though easier but one of hazardous method. After the teenager committed suicide, her mother had to be hospitalised and neighbours had to evacauate their house. But still committing suicide by Hydrogen Sulphide remains popular. After this many incidents came to light where people have used the same method to end their lives.

Financial distress was cited as a reason in 20 percent of the found suicide notes; almost half of all suicides committed were by those unemployed. Many decide to end their lives so that their family members can collect the insurance money. As a precautionary mesure the insurance firms now suspend payments for 2-3yrs or more. Similarly Japan Railways charges suicide victim's kith & kins for the cost of the cleaning-up and the trouble caused(Isn't tragic?).

Another major incident that made news, was when three mens in their late 20s committed suicide in a hotel room so that their near bankruptcy company can collect their insurance money and keep working. The major reason among the working class is Death by overwork (karoshi) and fatigue-induced suicide (karo- jisatsu). "National Liaison Council of Lawyers on Death from Overwork," said: "The corporate world is hiding behind promises of improved consumer services while partaking in excessive competition, thus victimizing its employees."

*

While the teens and middle aged have their own reasons for ending their lives. The people in their 60s take solace from their illnes by committing suicide. The major reason cited regarding suicide among the age group 50-60s is poverty. According to a survey conducted, males make up 75 percent of all suicides, representing 38 per 100,000 in comparison to females at 14.
*

Japan tops in suicide rates among econimaically stronger countries. The culture of Japan also plays a vital role, the Japanese society is such that it seldomly lets people recover from the shame of failure or bankruptcy.
*

The government of Japan aims at reducing the suicide rate by 20 percent before the year 2016. With this aim in the year 2007,the government took up various measures such as counselling services and 24-hr helplines.The problem is grave and change will happen at its own pace but the best prevention would be change in the outlook of people. If et all the people become more sympathetic and empathise with those facing some sort of crisis in their lives. A lot of lives will be saved.
*

Whatever reason people may have, but suicide is a decision not made in a day but a result of long suffering, prolonged pain and constant depression. Committing suicide is not the solution, just look around to find many reason worth living (There is someone out there who loves you and your loss ... ). Though difficult it might seem but its never too late to re-begin..your will and a little Love from someone thats all you need.

A slice of Life...!

This is the anniversary of the day i was born....a day which i didn't choose,  but its mine forever. It's a kind of addiction to celebrate  this day ~ always gives me a high. For me this day means more then just a date. Its like i come closer by a year to myself. I always have believed that  age is just a number, Its the way you feel about yourself is actually what you are bcoz

“Birthdays are the good times : the more we have - the longer we live.” 

Knowingly or unknowingly, i always wish to unwrap what the day has for me like a bud blooming into a flower so that it doesn't loose the essence of every moment. And in my subconscious mind i wish for that "Something Special" to happen. I  am always so excited on my birthdays and I just love the aura that surrounds this day. The spirit lives on...Its my birthday again. I wish myself happiness and joy in life on this day and many more birthdays to come. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! 

Killing for Honor : How Justified?

Life is a constant struggle,
Sometimes you loose, sometimes you win,
But when you loose just for being yourself......

We live in a world full of imperfections, and we constatnly strive to make it perfect not for everyone around us, but aleast for us. The easiest possible way is adapt to your circumstances.

Most of us lead a life which is decided by others, atleast as a woman i am sure many of you out there must have experienced. The decision can be as menial as the clothes you wear to the person you are finally married off. The decision is yours - either you choose to make people around you happy (Which actually is a myth) or can lead a life according to your own freewill, which is difficult. The society we live in or the so called torch bearers of the society will make every possible effort to destroy the very existence of the "individualism".

The choices we make are important to us, sometimes your whole life or just your life depends on it. At time your existence from this world is scrapped just like that as if you never existed.

On 16May2008, when 14-year old Arushi went to bed little did she know that she will never see the world again। As per her parents, they never heard arushi scream or shout for help(Do you think it is possible for parents to sleep in the adjacent room and still not hear anything. As far my knowledge from Newspapers/TV channels/ Magazines on the Talwars house about the locking system, it said to enter the house one needs to unlock three doors. Now Is not shocking that somebody came, breaks open three door kills Arushi, murders the servant and then peacefully walks away). Some newpapers went on to say that she was killed a day before her body was found by her parents (How is this possible, Did the Talwars had no time in a complete day to even see their teen daughter, enquire where is she or what she was doing?)

Also till Hemraj, the house servant body was not found Dr. Talwar always mantained Hemraj killed Arushi ( Was Dr. Talwar aware that Hemraj could do something like this, then why did he not sack him?). According to her parents arushi was a darling, whom they doted upon being the only child. Her school friend remember as wonderful friend who was always ready to help.

Then why was Arushi killed?, What was the reason? Even after more then 3months the police is clueless, people are waiting to put face to the body who had the heart to kill someone as innocent, lively and young soul. Was Arushi the latest victim of honor killing?

The practise of honor killing is ancient, but still practised widely all over the world. Many cases have been reported in recent times. It is said everyday atleast 3 womens die everyday as a result of honor killing.

What exactly is honor killing?

Honor killing is generally the murder in the family, mostly females, when the family or extended family believes that the person have brought dishonor(shame) upon the family. The reason can be anything from: refusing to get married to the groom of their choice, being the victim of rape, seeking a divorce —from an abusive husband— or allegedly committing adultery.

One such case came to light on 7January2008, when two sisters Amina and Sarah, aged 18 and 17 were brutally murdered by their father on New years Eve. The crime was they wanted to adopt western ways of life (Both of them had boyfriends).

In July 2003, 17-year old Amandeep Atwal was stabbed by her father 17 times because she was romantically involved with a canadian boy, which her father did not approve of.

In December 2007, 15-year old Aqsa pervez was killed by her father, because she refused to give up her western life style. Similarly was the case of 16-year old Heshu yones, who was stabbed by her father 11times yet again for having an affair with a christian. Another Girl Monika rani, 22-year old was murdered (Her house was set on fire by her father) along with her husband Rajesh Arora and 3-year old son Vansh. According to her father she has married someone from lower caste and that too without his permission. Monika was 5 months pregnant with the couple's second child.

Kifaya Husayn, 16-year old , her throat was slit by her brother. Immediately afterward, he ran out on the street, waving the bloody knife and crying, 'I have killed my sister to cleanse my honor.' Kifaya's crime? She was raped by another brother. Her judge, jury and own uncles convinced her eldest brother that Kifaya has brought too much disgrace to the family's honor and should not be allowed to live.
Samia Sarwar, aged 29, mother of two sought a divorce from her abusive and violent husband she was gunned down in the office of her lawyer Hina Jilani. The killer was taken there by her own mother. And the list is endless....

In most of cases, the murderer is from the family or hired by someone from the family justifying the murder is to protect the family honor. The murderer is usually the father or brother and sometimes even the mother(Which is no lesser then a shock to me, how can a mother kill her own flesh and blood, also she herself being a women?) as in the case of Rofayda Qaoud, she was killed by her mother Amira Abu Hanhan Qaoud (mother of 9 children). Rofayda Qaoud was raped by her brothers and consquently was pregnant.

The sentence for such crimes vary from 6months to life imprisionment, sometimes even lifetime banishment from the country of crime(If living other then their home country) .

What ever the punishment is sentenced upon the murderers(If et all they are convicted) can never be enough to justify killing someone. One thing surely comes to light people who commit such crimes surely are aware of the not so harsh punishment or are thenselves guilty and do the killing just to satify their egos . This could be the reason why such gruesome practise in the name of saving the honor is still continuing.

My concern here is not to talk about anyone particular, but to find out the reason behind the murder of a teenage girl who was brutally murdered in her bedroom with her parents in the same house. From parents to ex-servants, family friends to school friends, relatives to present employees, everyone has been questioned with no results. Media too has played a vital role sometimes in assasinating the character of departed soul or at times reconstructing the events of the day. But still nothing has come out which can really give us some answers. One day, after few years the case will be closed saying as "Unsolved".

The question is What becomes so big, bigger then their love for their daughter, sister or wife that they decide to kill someone whom they once really loved? Even if Arushi was killed to save the honor, the truth should come out...